My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize