you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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