My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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