I smell stomach acid.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
