Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
