I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
