everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
