I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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