What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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