My hand turned me down
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
