Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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