worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
