careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
