After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
