This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
