well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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