I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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