so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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