Banned from zoo.
Again?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
