I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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