yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
