I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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