We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
