totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
