ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
