I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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