this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize