He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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