Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
