I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
