You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
