she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
