I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
