there were more penises there than on chat roulette
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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