i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
