I accidentally had phone sex last night
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
