I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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