i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
