No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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