I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
