she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
