Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i love accidental penises.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
