She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
