went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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