Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
