either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
