A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
