yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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