I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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