If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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