Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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