Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Holy shit dude........stairs
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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