I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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