He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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