Define "chronic" masturbator.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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