My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
