Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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