I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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