lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Every concussion has its silver lining
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
