You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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