I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
