I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
