it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
