Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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