Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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