I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
