I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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