You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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