I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize