Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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