i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
