You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
