he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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