you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
