Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
