So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize